We all think about it, most people like to take part in it, and yet hardly anyone feels comfortable with it.
Your ability to have sexual feelings and attractions to others is what makes up your sexuality.
The controversy around it extends across cultures, age groups, and genders. Sometimes, it’s even taboo to talk about it.
Due to a long history of sex shaming and negative imagery, many people hold on to skewed ideas of what sex should be like.
It’s so confusing, that it can be difficult to distinguish your own wants and needs from the ones promoted by society.
So here are 5 ways to get back to feeling confident about your sexuality.
1. Feel comfortable with desire
As you seek pleasure through sexual acts, be aware of how comfortable you are with desire.
Desire reflects things that bring you happiness and fulfilment, and only you can say what feels “right” or “wrong” for you.
As you look carefully at the rules you’ve set yourself around desire and adjust them, you will find it easier to have sexual thoughts.
Note that this experience will be different for each person, since no two people are alike or have ever experienced the same sexual encounters in their lives. So be careful when tempted to compare your journey to somebody else’s.
2. Remember that our biology is made for it
The biological makeup of your body was made to enjoy sex.
When you have sexual thoughts, feelings, and tendencies, you release “pleasure chemicals” and hormones into your brain, which make you feel good and release stress.
This process is entirely natural and is there to be enjoyed, not harnessed.
Your sexuality will always evolve with you throughout your life and different experiences.
Just like it’s important to maintain your physical and mental health, your sexual health is equally as important and influential on your overall wellbeing. Ignoring or suppressing your sexual nature will only stunt your growth.
3. Recognize shame
People tend to get uncomfortable around someone who’s openly talking about their sexual experiences or desires.
It seems wrong, maybe because we were taught that private parts and private thoughts are not supposed to be shared. Many of our parents even went as far as to call it impure or sinful.
If you can spot any sense of shame around a topic, it’s usually because at some point someone taught you what they think is right and wrong. And, as with most things, it’s not black and white but shades of grey (excuse the pun).
What’s “right” can only be determined by an individual for their own reasons. Allowing other people to inflict fear and insecurity onto you is a sure way to never feel comfortable in your own skin.
This applies to things other than your sexuality too. By analysing what you feel ashamed about, you can start the journey of deciding whether that particular belief serves you, or holds you back, and begin to heal.
If you are someone who feels uncomfortable tending to your own sexual needs, it’s time to work on your own self-love and image.
Does it make you uncomfortable to see yourself naked in the mirror? This is more common than you would think. People get so hung up on the negative judgements that are being imposed on them by other people that it’s hard to truly love themselves with flaws.
You shouldn’t need to look like you did when you were 20 in order to love your body. You are a beautiful human being who deserves to feel pleasure and happiness. You also deserve to be courted and pursued so that you feel valued and wanted.
5. Go on a date… with yourself
Like any other respectable relationship, it’s best to start off slow. Look in a mirror and see how beautiful you are. Shut out the negative and hurtful thoughts other people have projected onto you, and try and pick out things you love about your face and body.
Appreciate your curves, the natural flow of your hair, the light in your eyes when you smile.
Then, take yourself on a date! Get all dressed up, go out to your favorite place and treat yourself to a delicious meal.
Enjoy being in your own company, and find peace in the thoughts in your head.
Instead of thinking about how other people will think it’s weird that you’re eating alone (which isn’t really weird at all) adjust your thoughts to consider how lucky they would be if they got to have dinner in your company!
If you keep the thoughts in your head positive, the world around you will seem more accepting too.
When you get home, make yourself comfortable. Put on the music you like, light some candles, maybe take a bath, and just let yourself relax. Nothing should feel weird about treating and taking care of yourself once in awhile.
Embracing your sexuality and all that it is can be incredibly liberating and freeing. If you can free yourself from the standards and expectations of others and simply follow your heart, it will never lead you wrong.
Your choices are your own. So when it comes to your body, choose what brings you the most personal satisfaction, not others.